When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
They have beer where we have blood.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
