you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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