Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Found the puke drawer
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
