so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
