what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
