you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
