Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The air was thick with penises
They are going to name an STD after you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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