We're facebook friends in real life
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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