I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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