Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
