And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
