nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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