She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think I died a long time ago.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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