Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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