i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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