It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize