Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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