She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
