new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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