sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
