when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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