she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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