i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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