Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm sobbing to NWA
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
