i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
