Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
