True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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