While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
