i just google imaged poop.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
