she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
