Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
