she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
