Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
