Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
