We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
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Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
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Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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