Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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