its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
