I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
