you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
