We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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