I hate all girls vehemently.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
