i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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