idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
