ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
