You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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