Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
