I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
