Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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