Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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