It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
