Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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