We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
