This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
