still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
40s are totally the cure
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
