I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
