I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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