What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
