Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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