brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
