It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
