u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Everyone says I win the strip club
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
