you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
