a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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