I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I cut my penus on the lid.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
