somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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