Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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