She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
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Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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